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Taking Care of Yourself
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Caring for and about a family member who is an older adult can be stressful. I want to discuss ways you can take care of yourself. Each of us desires control, a wish for independence, and a feeling that we matter in our community. Your older family members want and deserve those same things.. An older adult experiencing the changes and losses associated with aging, whether it be normal age changes or those from dementia, is not in control of those changes. That is frustrating to them. If you are the one responsible for helping this person, you don’t feel as though you have control, either. In fact, you don’t, when it comes to stopping the changes or deterioration. However, there are ways you can regain a sense of control - gain knowledge of the aging process and changes, learn ways to offer them help without acting as though you are the parents, and know how to seek or accept help from others. Whenever you want some tips on visits, communicating with your family member, how to support or assist, and so on, please stop in at Somerford, or feel free to telephone me.
You all have heard the phrase ‘sharing the caring’. We at Somerford call it teamwork, a way for all of us together to problem solve and share. However, it is something we may find difficult to implement outside of work. We are reluctant to ask for help, perhaps because we feel we ‘should’ be able to handle things on our own. In my experience working with families, I have learned that no one can do this alone and still remain healthy.
One thing you can do to minimize your stress is to practice asking for and accepting help. Focus on the small steps, celebrate all successes or good visits, and focus on the process rather than the product. Attend a support group at Somerford to see if it is for you. Many times I have heard family members say they would never go to a support group. A support group is a way to share what works, and this is a venue for you to tell others what you have found works in your relationship. We also need to develop alternative approaches, and this is a place for you to learn what has worked for others. Finally, focus on you. Spend a few moments thinking, and then answer these questions. What can you do for yourself in the next 24 hours? What will you do for yourself in the next month? What can you do just for you in the next 6 months? The goal is finding small ways to take care of you, which in turn means you can better offer needed support to your family member.
Merle Wexler
VP, Resident Services and Alzheimer’s Care
(301-963-6500, ext. 207)